和藹慈祥的我的母親 I

我的人生，可謂極不尋常。看看環繞在我身邊的人就可以略知一二哦。
最極致的該屬我親愛的家人。
而當中，又以在下的母親——林母、雷大娘為之最。
且聽在下娓娓道來。

首先，她完全反駁了“日心說”的準確性。地球不是宇宙（太陽系）的中心是沒錯，但地球也不是繞著太陽在轉動的哦。地球——整個世界，是繞著雷大娘，孜孜不倦、川流不息地運作著。管你是要學習、工作，抑或撒尿、拉屎，雷大娘要幹何事、要你陪，你也只能“舍己事而陪老娘”，不得抗旨。

一般的母親都會鞭策自己的兒女：“給我去讀書！”，我家的那位偏就不一樣：“載我去玩！”

當然，我絕對不是個會整日埋頭苦讀的“好學生”。不過，人嘛，我相信每個學子都下過這種決心：“從今天開始要每天溫習！”然後，果真發奮圖強。。。個兩、三天，就躺在床上看漫畫書了。而事發當時，在下正處於那個“假象”奮鬥初期。所以，即使已無心再看（書）下去，也得裝個樣子，假意說：“等我看完這章。”親愛的母親就默默地走出房間。

可過不了多久（我以林昌珉的雞雞跟你擔保，五分鐘都不到！），雷大娘回歸，不耐煩地問：“好了沒有？”

當下傻眼，吶吶地回答：“再等一下啦。”又成功暫時打發她了。過不了多久，果然又回來了：“還要多久？”

當下超想翻桌子的。事實上，已經翻了。豁然起身推翻了秘密心房之5C房內，最前排、右邊數起第三張的紅木矮桌。5C房是供洩憤之用。
可是，為人子女的，也只能低聲下氣地說：“沒那麼快啦。”

結果，給女兒十分鐘讀完一章物理果然已經是雷大娘的極限了。那把不耐煩的嗓音再度出擊：“回來再讀。先載我去玩。”

我錯愕地看著她，但她那殘酷的雙唇只吐出這句“不然我自己駕去。”，就轉身走了出去。看著大娘的背影，我禁不住在5A房大喊：“你這也算是母親嗎？”（5A房是為失控尖叫而設。）
而且，她上次開車是何年何月，我可是想破腦都記不起來呢！

你問我結果如何？當然是我赫然、決然，合上物理課本，趕緊跟上去啦，難不成你還真指望咱們雷大娘等我？！

寶貝乖

喜歡和長輩相處。
感覺更自在。
不必偽裝、拋掉虛偽，盡量做自己也沒關係。
長輩們的人生歷練讓他們更寬容。
他們可以接受我的缺點。就算覺得我這樣或那樣不對，就直接或私底下勸誡我。
是為我好。絕對不是以自負的心態，沾沾自喜。
也不會在背後說小輩的壞話，字字如刺。
所以，我喜歡和長輩相處。

Forever 19

放工回家，累毙了！把东西随便丢地上，脱掉baju kurung的裙，随手抓来鸡仔饼，就躺在地上啃了起来。脚打开开。两个字：享受。

稍稍休息够了，脑子里浮现了一个好问题：我怎么变得这样难堪？

回想起来，小时候的我，真的是一个乱来的臭小屁孩。

放学回家鞋袜乱乱丢

书包也懒得收拾，就那样背上学放学

冲凉乱乱冲，最好不用冲

故事书、漫画看完随意放，然后找不到又在那边乱发脾气（也没人理T.T)

地板乱乱躺，桌子乱乱坐

食物我爱就塞进嘴里，随便咬两口就吞，然后笑嘿嘿

头发剪短短，给它乱

棉被也不折，“反正我等下还要躺叻”

讨厌睡前还要刷牙又洗脸，就假装忘记。。YAY！！

看看现在的自己。。

唉，拘谨。。

所以叻，以后我不管了。

我要乱乱来，

变回那在我心中小小角落命令我 “放我出来！！” 的臭。小。屁。孩。

反正，管他什么事情，最坏也只不过那样。我有家做依靠 =D

不曾疯狂的年轻岁月，就只是年轻，不是青春。

青春，我大把。

被骗了

哎哟，真是的。前一阵子把自己封闭在一个太小太小的空间里，把太不重要的东西看得太大太大，着实沮丧了许久。but then my dear Father came to rescue!! =D

妈妈，我要带着一颗

轻飘飘的脑袋

喜乐满满的心

还有，

脸上大大的微笑

踏出那大大的一步了哦。

请为我加油 =）

天空，突然变得好蓝好蓝，月亮好圆、好美。

嘿，亲爱的

嘿，亲爱的，你在这里做着什么？每天每天地生活。。

曾经说过的那些承诺呢？

僕は君に恋をする

何度でも　僕は君に恋をする。でも、ここまでだ。。
またね　=)


「さよなら　ありがとう　好きだよ　好きだよ
　さうなら　笑ってよ　泣くなよ　バカだな
　伝えたい　言葉は　止めどなく　溢れる　
　何度も　何度でも　僕は君に恋をする」
　　　　　　　　　　　　　　- 平井堅

不想

趁着周末和劳动节假期，和父母与姐去了怡保和Cameron。

整个旅程都不须我从钱包内取出任何钞票，却吃了许多美食，去了许多地方，将无数美景尽收眼底。因为父母和我们一起。

早晨起床也不需要闹钟，因为父母会在应该的时间把我们吵醒。

最后一天的早上，清晨第一次睁开眼时，看到母亲在洗手间里梳洗，闭上眼，又在睡眠中沉沦。迷蒙中，听得到父母的说话声。聊这说那的，没有重点。

我不想长大。

Gorgeous Day

Dear 弘子 ^^

You know what? It's your birthday =) We've been together, like, FOREVER. Ever since we were born *teehee*

But only these few years have I come to really know What you want. How you think. When you talk. Where you wanna be. And...

Who. You. Are.

It's been great to have you in my life. And I LOVE you more and more each new day =)

And hey, eat that while listening to this ^^

Happy Gorgeous Day! =D

请不要阻此我

下午，随意翻翻旧笔记时，看到很久很久以前记下的这句话。。

“失败固然痛苦，维持原状更悲哀。”

没写下出处，也许是报章上无意间看到的吧。那段时间，是梦想刚刚萌芽的时段。有时候，回想当时，让人有种幸福感。因为有梦，而幸福。

我没有怀疑，人们反对，是因为关心、担忧我。可是，我不想维持这样。你们知道我不是这样的人。

我只能不顾一切去追梦。除了上帝和父母的反对以外，我无暇顾及别人的意见。父母，之所以也有这特权，是因为他们为之父母，已经为他们的孩子们付出太多了。孩子们让他们苍老了许多，我不行再徒增他们生活上的烦恼。

请原谅我的任性。但是，我要去。

我不后悔

也许我身边的许多人都不知道，我不喜欢“后悔”这个字眼。

我也不喜欢别人问我，会不会后悔。有时觉得这个问题还蛮白目的（老实说，是白痴）。但也许你不了解我的性格。基本上，我做的每件事都是经过三百番的深思熟虑的哦。我考虑了应该考虑的方面，其余的我交托给我亲爱的天父。而我顺服祂的安排。这样有什么好后悔的呢？

至于有些事情的发生，尽管并非是我再三考虑后做出的决定，但那是弘子的决定。我没办法违抗她哦。所以，更不会后悔。

而，就算事情最终并不如我所预期般发生，那也是个非一般的体验。我只要享受那过程与感觉就好。其余的，之后再打算吧！

所以，亲爱的朋友，别再问我，会不会后不后悔了。谢谢。

A dedication to Lim ChangMin: you're so dear to my heart ♥

seriously, i miss you =/

you know what? i had a dream about you last night. and it wasn't quite a good one. a very BAD one in fact.

In the dream, i was back home from outstation (perhaps KL) and the last time i left, you were bitten (by some other stupid dog maybe) at the thigh. And when i got home, i found that you were hopping towards me. there were 2 big holes on your thigh.. It seemed like no one tended to the wounds and it worsened. and here's the bad news: you WERE dying. thank God for the "were", as in it's not true, as in "as if".

But i was really sad to know that you WERE gonna leave me. and it broke my heart to see that you couldn't run, or gallop, like i always prefer to use on you =). we were at a waterfall, you were watching other dog/children having fun running here and there, and wanted to but i couldn't. and i wouldn't let you too. because i just couldn't bear seeing you being in pain. because i wish you could stay by my side longer.

and then somehow i woke up. and thank God it was a dream. and i started to cry. and i started to miss you like crazy. but i don't know when i could go back to you. even if i could soon, i would have to leave you again soon. i was thinking if i should just go back to Sibu and get a job back home. i felt bad leaving you home alone. but... please forgive me. you'll get sick and throw up whenever we brought you to the vet in car, so it's next to impossible i could bring you out to my side here.

you were a gift from Evelyn on my 19th birthday, and so i declared that your birthday's the same as mine. you were such a little cute puppy back then. and still is, of course, just the "little" changed into "large" ^^ honestly, i chose you because you looked like Courage. but you're no longer a replacement, surely. you're you, Lim ChangMin =)

However, these days i've been, like, counting your age and started to feel down. you're around 4 years old. you're getting old. that's why i started to decide to cut down your food (sorry for that, i know how much you like to eat. like me XD) and brought you to exercise. regardless of how much i love your gas-tong body and full tummy.

I'm really happy that you'll stick with me when i go cycling around the house. and i'll never ever forget that you rushed - literally rushed - to block the stupid dogs which were barking and growling at me. believe me, i was truly touched =) now that i come to think about it, it seems like that wasn't the first time you're protecting me.. thank you my dear =)

you bring joy to my life.. tonnes and tonnes of them ^^
you're my companion, my hero. a super tight friend, you are =)

很久很久

朋友跟我说，我谈起你时，双眼会发亮。。你知道吗？

你跟我说过，我会找到一个能真正给我快乐的人。我说，是啊，我会努力等待。但是，对不起，我说谎了。当下我就知道，我会一直喜欢着你。你会在我心里很久很久。

听过吗？张曼娟说过的：
『你可以不爱我，但爱你是我的自由。你可以不回答，但等待是我的自由。』

对不起，我也没办法。

我的天空

像天空一样。蔚蓝得吸引人目光，昏黄得让人心痛，灰暗得惹人掉泪。一如那天空。

every girl is a fool

Oh gosh.. i love Shia LaBeouf...

Ever since he was in Disney's Even Stevens, i've already liked him so much, that every weekday afternoon i had to finish watching him on tv and got late for tuition (I'm sorry, Miss.. Whoever-My-Tutor-Was-Then).

Imagine how surprised i was when i saw him as the male lead in the big hit "Transformers" movies! I was really proud of him. He really deserved all the fame and glamour. However, it's sad to see that he seems to get head over heels admist the glamour and it starts to seem like he's ruining his career... or life?

Anyways, the reason why i'm suddenly talking about Mr LaBeouf is i was watching him in "Wall Street".

He's really "grown" so much from the Even Stevens time (obviously). Of course he's a genius and such. But what really touched me was how much he loved his girlfriend. When they broke up after some problem (big PROBLEM) surfaced, he went to her and whispered "I miss you like crazy, and i love you, baby, and I'm sorry." Awww.. I'd have forgiven you even if you killed my Dad... Ok, let's keep it low so my Dad won't hear this.

So here's the plain truth --> every girl is a fool who can't resist guys whispering love words in her ears. She'll melt and TOTALLY fall for it.

Well, I would have.
,
and if it were you, my dear, i'd trade the whole world for it. just for the three magical words...

first step

i'm gonna start walking. period.

愤慨，加上绝对的不支持

最近中东的示威、抗议、推翻政府的行动闹得轰轰烈烈。

几天前在报章上看到一张真的是会让我气愤到想尖叫、变身泼妇般破口大骂的照片。据报道，那位所谓“领袖”竟然连儿童军都送上战场。这位先生对外宣称人民还是支持他的，坚决不肯下台。

其他的在这暂且不提，不尊重人命（尤其牵涉到纯真的小孩子的），我不能赞同。当然，你也许会说，这是他们战争常用的战略哦。但是，看到那些未满七岁的小孩手握机关枪的画面时，还是让我失控。

你说，叫我怎么冷静？！

最近渐渐发现我不再“年轻”。生活，或多或少让我妥协。看到小孩时，我最钦羡的是他们的童真与未经玷污的童年。那是我们都曾经拥有，但仅此一次紧握住的资产。没有回头哦。

所以，以武器代替小孩手上该握着的玩具车的家伙，我只能回以愤慨，以及绝对的不支持。

真的不能忍受！！

漂流的叶子

前两晚，终于鼓起几百两的勇气对父亲说明了我毕业后向往、想走的路---PLAN A。非因父亲是个专制又古板的人，但是，对于一个连自己都没有十足信心的未来，我有该有的担忧。而父亲，身为父亲，他的想法。。若是他赞成，对我来说将是很大的鼓舞。

几天前就开始为了这“发通告”的一天而祷告。感谢主，父亲并没有反对。虽然不是十足的赞成，但是不反对。只认为我选择的路，不易走，外加辛苦为人生调味料。

“Eh, 还是较倾心于文字和旅行，”我坦白，“我不想立刻就被困在朝九晚五的工作里。我想先去旅行。之后，也许在报社或杂志社找份工。”
“Eh siang lo（糟糕了的意思），”父亲回应，“像叶子那样啊？”
“当叶子不好咩？”我立刻答，“没当过，就当一当试试咯？”

“像叶子一样飘来飘去。”并非所有父亲都会给出如此富有诗意的回应吧？

感谢神，我有如此文明又开通的父亲。
也因此，弘子才是弘子。流浪的弘子。漂流的叶子。